10 Reasons Dantanchel Shouldn't Drink
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: Dantanchel Week, day 1: Drunken Shenanigans. Dantanchel. RachelxSantanaxDani


**1: Unleashing the Food Addictions**

It had been one of those weeks. One of the weeks that's not just bad - it's apocalyptic. The kind where not only does everything go wrong for you, but the misery spreads to those around you as well. Thus, it was completely understandable that Santana already had the vodka and the tequila out when Dani and Rachel got home.

Dani went straight for the vodka and flopped onto the couch. "Asshole Watkins failed me on the Philosophy test. How the hell does someone fail a philosophy test?" she added, knocking back a long swig.

"Can we talk about the fact you're taking Philosophy in the first place?" Santana asked.

"Social and Behavioral Inquiry credit," Dani explained, rolling her eyes. "I wanted Psych 101, but it was full."

"Tequila or vodka, Rach?" Santana asked, holding up the bottles when Rachel rested her head on her shoulder.

"All of it."

"Bad day?"

"I want to start the decapitations with my jazz class."

"The whole thing?" Dani asked as she and Santana poured a row of shots.

"Everyone. No, I take that back - I'll spare Kurt. He was only visiting anyway."

"Would you like those done with axe, sword, or guillotine?" Dani asked, smirking.

Rachel considered this for a moment. "Axe," she answered finally, taking a shot of tequila. "I'm going to order food."

"Did it," Santana said. "It'll be here in five minutes, and snacks are on the counter. I'm starting Netflix."

Four hours, three boxes of chocolate, two tear-fests, one jar of peanut butter, and half a season of Orange is the New Black later, the girls were passing out in the bed. And even though they'd definitely feel like shit in the morning, they knew they'd feel better as well.

* * *

**2: Trouble with Inanimate Objects**

They knew it was time to go home when Rachel began a heated debate with a park bench.

"And furthermore, it's incredibly inappropriate for you to feel me up without my consent."

"How is she still speaking in multisyllables?" Dani marveled. "She had to have had half a bottle of Patron."

"... getting tired of this kind of treatment from…."

"Are we just ignoring the fact that she walked into a park bench and is accusing it of sexual harassment?" Santana asked as they walked over.

"Stop smirking at me!" Rachel yelled.

Santana then noticed the advertisement on the bench. Rachel was hurling abuse at an innocent real estate agent.

"Santana!" she yelped, spotting her girlfriends. "I demand you go Lima Heights on this cretin!"

"Are you sure she only had alcohol?" Dani muttered.

"Umm...she may have gotten into the 'organic' brownies the Thetas brought."

"Oh holy Zeus. That's why I don't eat anything that comes without a label on it. Just go give the bench a kick and let's get her home."

* * *

**3: Grand Theft Scooter**

"Have you heard from Dani in the last hour?"

"No, I was just about to ask you that. Should I call her?"

"Yeah," Santana said. "I know she was going to stop by her friend's party, but I thought she'd be back by -"

Santana stopped when her phone rang. "It's her. Hey Dani," she said, answering it.

"Is this Santana Lopez?" a deep male voice said.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"My name is officer Bradley, ma'am -"

"Is Dani okay?" Santana asked immediately, panic gripping her.

"Fine, ma'am. Just...um...well, we got a call about a missing scooter, and then another call about a suspicious woman doing wheelies in one of the NYU courtyards," he said, and Santana could tell he was trying not to laugh. "She's okay, but I'm not allowed to leave my beat, so I can't bring her home. Could you come get her?"

"Sure."

Santana wrote down the exact location and she and Rachel rushed out the door.

When they got to the courtyard, they spotted their girlfriend on a bench, talking animatedly to Officer Bradley. There was a bright yellow scooter parked next to them.

"Rachel!" Dani called. "Tell him I really can lick my elbow!"

Officer Bradley stood and gave them a wide smile. "I gave her a ticket for trespassing," he said quietly. "My son's about your age...I know how it goes. And she was nothing but cooperative. Just tell her to take it easy on the booze from now on."

"Of course, Officer," Rachel said. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Go on and get her home. I've got the guy coming to pick up his scooter in about ten minutes."

* * *

**4: Hairbrained Ideas**

The biggest problem on Santana's list when she woke up was not, surprisingly, the hangover. She hadn't gotten blackout drunk in years - having resolved after one particularly scary incident to become a sober adult overnight. Last night though… it wasn't that she didn't remember, it was just that she was having trouble remembering which bits were real and which she dreamt. She knew a few of her friends from her major had hit the bar after a particularly grueling test, but after that it was a bit of a blur.

"What the hell was I drinking?" she croaked.

"What _weren't _you drinking is probably the better question. You business majors go hard."

"Eurgh," Santana said, flopping back down and wincing. "Why do I hurt?"

"Eat your toast and I'll fill in the missing pieces," Dani said, setting the plate on the nightstand.

There was a loud whistle, and Santana jumped.

"What the hell?"

"That would be one of the missing pieces. Hold on."

Santana nibbled her toast and waited for Dani to return.

When she did, Kurt was in tow. "Right, so the whistle is our loft's new doorbell, and Kurt is here to fix the toilet. You sort of went DIY crazy after watching Home Shopping Network when you got home. I was pretty surprised that you didn't seriously injure yourself."

"But I hurt," Santana whined.

"You should," Kurt said. "You tried to install an overhead light and it fell on your leg."

"And...how did I break the toilet?"

"You were trying to install a decorative toilet seat," Dani explained, grinning.

Santana groaned and buried herself under the blankets.

* * *

**5: Odd Cravings**

They weren't _drunk_… not really. It was more of a deep buzz. It was that point where they knew they should stop or else they'd get into "Streaking through Central Park" territory.

"I need garlic bread," Rachel announced.

Dani was ready. After not being able to find vegan cupcakes the first time they'd gone for a girls' night, she'd downloaded Vegman - a vegan restaurant locator. "Uh...two blocks away, there's a pizza place with vegan options."

"Allonsy!"

"Why did I ever introduce her to Doctor Who?"

They made their way through the lively streets, finally reaching the hole-in-the-wall pizzeria. Dani and Santana hung back at one of the tables while Rachel ordered. This turned out to be a bad idea, because apparently Rachel forgot that it was just the three of them.

"Three extra large pizzas?" Dani asked.

"And garlic bread! Let's go home."

"I'll carry them."

"Can I take this as a souvenir?" Rachel called back to the man working the counter. She was holding up one of the salt shaker coasters.

He laughed and nodded, and Dani pulled her girlfriends out of the restaurant.

* * *

**6: Childhood Revisited**

Rachel came out of the bedroom early that morning, having left Santana still sleeping. She walked slowly, trying not to make any noise, because if she'd guess correctly….

Ah, yes. There was Dani, fast asleep on the couch.

Rachel smiled and leaned down to kiss her, but stopped when she spotted a flash of orange coming from Dani's pocket. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she pulled out a tiny plastic dinosaur. There was also a red, green, blue, yellow and purple one. There was also a notecard. She let out a snort of laughter as she read, in Dani's shaky handwriting.

Orange: Kensley

Red: Aloicious

Green: Lucius

Blue: Tamyra

Yellow: Rachel

Purple: Santana

She replaced the dinosaurs and gave her girlfriend a kiss before wandering into the kitchen to make breakfast.

* * *

**7: Reminiscing Wrong**

"Santana, why are you crying?"

"It - it's just so beautiful! I never - never thanked my parents! They gave me so much!"

"Well, call and thank them tomorrow. I'm sure they'll be glad to -"

"They just don't know! They don't know how much I love them! Just look at the childhood I had!"

Dani peeked over Santana's shoulder. "Um...baby? Those are pictures of Rachel."

"LOOK AT THE PINK BIKE!"

Dani sighed and went to order Chinese food.

* * *

**8: Hairbrained Ideas, the Sequel.**

It was senior year. Santana would be graduating from NYU with a major in Business and a double minor in African and Latin American Studies. Dani had excellerated her course work and was graduating with an Art major. Rachel was finishing up her theater studies, and already had an offer on the table. All in all, they were feeling quite good. So for Fall Break, they decided on a stay-cation, including all the alcohol Santana could buy. One last hurrah.

They knew they were officially adults (or at least getting old) the morning after their booze fest, because the hangovers felt ten times worse.

"Oh my god...it never used to be this bad."

"Rachel...why is there a giraffe tattooed on your ass?"

"WHAT?"

"Hold on," Santana said. She licked her palm and swiped it down Rachel's left butt cheek. The ink smeared, and she grinned. "I wondered why I had a Sharpie in my pocket when I woke up."

"That was a damn good drawing of a giraffe though."

"I just want pancakes," Rachel groaned.

* * *

**9: Fiery Tempers**

"HE CHEATED!"

"DID NOT!"

Dani and Santana looked at each other, and decided to leave the besties to themselves.

"Are they really arguing over a drunken game of Go Fish?"

"Yep."

* * *

**10: Not Enough Elves in the World**

Papa Berry and Daddy Berry had spiked the punch. Dani had partaken quite a bit before she noticed the rum. But it was Christmas, so they could let loose a bit. Or a lot.

"Do you think he'll get it in time," she slurred at Rachel.

**"****I'm sure Santa will get your letter," Rachel said, tucking the blonde into bed. "Goodnight, love."**


End file.
